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ALTERNATIVE CREW HANDBOOK!

Backroom, lobby, trash walks, etc.

Remember: never wear decent shoes to work as they will just rot with all the grease and skank that floods about the floor.

Backroom

If you have to move heavy stuff and you don’t have a trolley then improvise with bun wheels and a bun crate (for bringing out boxes of fries, for example). Don’t put yourself out for McDonalds.

Delivery

As long as it’s not you regular job then you wont need to rotate stock properly. Just put a few older boxes on top to make things look right. By the time anyone notices it’s all fucked nobody will remember who did the last delivery. Nick a few boxes of stuff and claim the were never delivered (just joking, that might be illegal!). When you’ve chucked everything away slap a bit of ‘do not use’ tape about randomly to make it look like you’ve tried. Drag the whole thing out as long as possible. If anyone does notice how badly you’ve done it then hopefully they wont ask you again.

Pulling stations

Think what can be seen when the station’s back in place (sometimes just the floor) and clean it. Do the floor with a litre of APC (or local equivalent) and a damp mop. Some people like to pour salt on grease spills, I’ve never thought this was very useful but I suppose it wastes lots of salt. When you’re ‘finished’ quickly push the station back into place really fucking tightly so that no one will pull it out and see that you’ve actually done fuck all.

Cleaning

If you have to clean a greasy surface, don’t try and clean it properly with soapy water, just wipe it with a DRY grill cloth.

If you get sent to lobby to clean walls or something similar then make a big show of filling up a bucket of clean water then take a couple of cloths and a newspaper round to the wall. Splash the clean water about a bit then look for a plant (almost every McDonalds will have real or fake plants somewhere). Scoop some of the earth out of the plant pot and mix it well with your water. Sit back with your newspaper. After a while take your bucket and clothe back and make a big show of having to change this very dirty water- “fucking hell, when were those walls last cleaned?”. The manager will feel like a good burger slave and will ask if they’re scrubbing up all right, “yeah but it’s a lot of work” and with that you go back to your paper. Keep this going until you’ve at least read the sport, the cartoons and have had a go at the crossword. This really works!

Dining Area

Skive, read the paper, talk to random members of the public, it’s boring as fuck out here but it should be a bit of skive. If you get really bored then go to the shift runner with a really disruptive request from an imaginary customer- someone wants to check a rule from a now closed promotion or something. After the manager’s pissed about for a while, found the relevant file, searched and been unable to resolve the enquiry, looked up the number where the customer should direct enquiries, noted it down and took it out to the customer, you go “fuck- they were sitting right there, they’ve just left, that was so rude, etc.”

Trash Walks

Trash walks are great- empty one external bin and leave that bag somewhere you can find it, then compress the rubbish down in all the other bins and go to the pub, do your shopping, whatever. Come back and carry the bag you left earlier around to the front of the store and in full view of management chuck a few things in the bag. A manager (who had probably forgotten you were out there) will come to ask why you’ve taken so long. Look frustrated and ask when the last trash walk was done. “Just an hour ago” “Fucking hell, messy bastards today, this is the second bag I’ve filled,. I mean it’s still not great but you should have seen the mess before, etc.”. If anyone was out looking for you while you were in the pub, just claim you were along the street picking up litter in line with McDonalds community friendly policies.

Read this! Get paid your full wages

The outrageously titled Everything you ever wanted to know about stealing from McD's!

Know your rights!

How to pass your day- Ten things to do in McDonalds when it's dead

Recipes! - Break time never tasted so good!

John Wayne's bumper guide to the job: Kitchen Front counter Backroom, cleaning, trashwalks

Got a scam you want to share with your colleagues? Let us know

And remember kids...

"Our competitors can try to copy many of our secrets, but they cannot duplicate our pride, our enthusiasm and our dedication for this business. There is no single factor more important than the dedication and effort of McDonald's employees. The McDonald's spirit is exclusively ours and yours." Andrew Taylor, President and CEO of McDonalds UK

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